Truth: There's a Lot on My Plate

I've been discussing with someone lately the challenges of balancing it all.

Is it even possible and what, if anything, should be sacrificed?

Work. Husband. Family. Friends. House. Life. Baby. 

These are not just words. They're my world (and many of yours, too, right?).

I'm participating again in Shell's Pour Your Heart Out blog crawl (my past discussions: weight, loneliness)because this is something that's been weighing on me and I have a feeling many of you.

That's what The Average Girl's Guide is; yet, it's fashion and food and fun and all that, but it's also this real deal stuff no one likes to address but everyone thinks.

That's what this blog is here for.... to get the dialogue going.

We'll all the same at the end of the day. Never forget that.

  

Fact: a totally awesome girlfriend (who seems to have it all!) said that she's frequently discussing the challenges of balancing it all with her gal pals. And, for those debating a baby... can it work? Can I still have my life?

Wheh, that's a lot to answer.

You're talking to a girl who in the past two years has had a baby, a life-altering illness, lost/left her job, started a new PR company AND started a blog, all while dealing with a million other random things. Oh, and with my husband still loving me at the end of it!

I wonder sometimes...

Am I doing the right thing?

Working on a blog post at night instead of spending time with my husband?

Sending my daughter to "school" (ie daycare) while building a career?

Taking good enough care of myself and staying healthy?

Caring for my family, many of whom have had more health issues than I'd like to count?

My answer?

Yes... Usually. Always? Doubtful. But... that's OK, I think.

I wish I had more time for it all, and I wish I could procrastinate a little less (damn you lure of Twitter and Facebook), but I couldn't imagine giving up this blog,
the friendships its afforded me and the creative outlet its provided when I needed it most.
I couldn't give up my career, and the desire to build a business.
I am confident that when my daughter is old enough to know, she will be so proud of her mommy.

So for those of you debating a baby?
Ask any mom: you make the time and you don't even realize it.
Except for daily the moments when I really wish she'd stop crying for a few minutes in the morning so I could sleep longer, I can't remember what I did with the moments of the day that didn't include her.

But what about my family and friends. Could I spend more time with them?
Yes. Especially fam. While I still want more time to spend with friends I realize my grandparents won't be with us forever. I'm so, so fortunate that I still have all four and that they live close. I need to visit more.
I need to travel more to see my mom (even though I just wish she'd move close already)!
I need to try to take better care of my dad, even if he frustrates me to no end.

Oh and me?
Yeah, I need to focus on me, on making the doctor appointments I need to (ya I look pretty "average" but this gal has a few pretty sucky issues you can't see in pics; more on another day), getting the sleep I need, exercising and most importantly, spending quality time with my husband and daughter whenever possible.

So while I don't do this perfectly. I'm trying. And, that's all you can do, too.
Do you feel overwhelmed with everything sometimes like me? I wonder how I can be superwoman.
I realize it does take a village and you cannot be too afraid to ask (or pay!) for help.
I have someone clean our house (usually every two weeks, sometimes more. best. investment. ever.), we hire babysitters so we can go out just the two of us or with couples and have her come early so we can get ready in peace. I'm hiring a full-time associate for my business (woohoo, HUGE step). And...

I'm taking a blog-cation.
Consider this your last post for about a week. (I'll miss you!!!) Will tell you what I'm up to when I return, except to say that not blogging (and trying to stay away from social media when possible) to give me more time to do all the things I haven't been doing.
Maybe I'll even read a book (I recently bought two -- The Help and Tina Fey's Bossypants).
Picture me like this....

Wishing you SUPER-WOMEN a sparkly Fourth of July.

Pour Your Heart Out: Weight

I was soooooooo relieved a few weeks back when I poured my heart out about feeling lonely sometimes and you gals comforted me, sympathized and shared what's happening in your life.
Seeing as this blog is for real women who deal with weighty issues (pun intended),
I wanted to broach the topic of weight, and... I'm sharing my number.

{ps: this is me again participating in Pour Your Heart Out from The Things I cannot Say.}

First of all... weight: UGH!

It's soooooo frustrating sometimes.
It's how we look, it's the stupid number that gets so many women riled up.
Is it up, is it down... do I weight less than her?! 
Most women are lying if they say they've never compared themselves to another woman and felt a teeny tiny satisfaction knowing they weigh less than the other. Don't lie.
Heck, I'll admit it: I have, and I've come to realize how absurd that is. No one is like me.
She could be five inches taller, have breasts three times the size of mine, anything. Why am I comparing??

At 31-years-old I need to know it's pointless.
I'm over it. At least, I'm going to try my damnedest to be!
This is who I am. A 124-lb. woman who is proud of her body. I have to be.
This body is my vessel taking me through life. In just two years it's carried a baby and has come back from paralysis. It's created life and overcoming freaking paralysis. Pretty incredible.

About me: I'm a Weight Watcher lifetime member who's lowest weight hovered around 115 pounds. In remember in elementary and middle school I was always the girl who was a little overweight,
and in high school and college I was always in the 140s. Not the 1-teens or 120s like the "popular girls."

I remember talking in high school to a best friend (an adorable little thing who must have weighed nothing and ate more carbs than you could imagine)... she told me this awful story about how her brother had a party and put some crappy note on the door that only women under 120 lbs could enter. I just said how obnoxious and moved on. Yet, 15 freaking years later I still remember that conversation. Why? Because, I, at 140ish lbs, would not have been invited inside my best friend's door.
I guess that's what started my "number fixation." Thanks, dude.

After college in 2002, I got a desk job that caused my thighs to expand and my pants to practically bust at the seams. A clasp even broke off the waistband. Embarrassing truth.
Can't believe I'm posting this: here's me in early 2002. Did I not realize this dress didn't fit??

Soon after, during a random doctor visit  the nurse had to move that little thing on the scale from the 100 to 150 bracket. I knew in that moment that I needed to do something.
My size 12 pants were getting awfully tight.

Weight Watchers was hugely successful. I started at 153 and went down to about 115 at my lowest.

Here's me at a bridal shower in 2003, I believe.

WOW, check out that chick's jawline and little waist! haha.

Cruel life (weight) truth:

Just because you're thin -- and at your supposed dream weight -- doesn't mean you're happier.

After being a size 10 my whole life, it took me years to see the woman I am now. I'd pick up clothes that were a size 6 or 8 thinking it was me, but I was typically a size 2. Body dismorphic disorder for sure. And, it was at my thinnest that I compared myself the most. Weird, right?
I noticed dimples on my thighs that looking back, I don't remember agonizing over when I was "bigger."

I think, how could I have been happier at that weight? Yet, I was. Had friends, had boyfriends.

I'm sharing this because I know many of us struggle with our weight. I'll be honest. My goal is 120 pounds, three pounds less than where I'm at. HOWEVER, I'd be thrilled to stay where I am if I could be more toned and fit. It's something I'm working on (did pilates this morning!).
Focus on being healthy. I recognize I needed to lose weight years ago and am happy I did so. It knocked my cholesterol below 200 for the first time in my life. I eat healthier and am more conscious of myself. That's what it's about. Not the number, not the spots on your body that you wish were different.

LISTEN UP:
Do not let your weight consume you and be who you are. Do not be so hard on yourself.
If you have a bad meal, weigh more than you want or have thighs with a few dimples, deal with it. LIVE.
I know now I rather enjoy great meals than be five pounds less. You might disagree with me, and that's fine, but to me that's living life and enjoying it.

After going through what I have these past two years I've learned we can't keep bringing ourselves down about our body. "I look so fat in this outfit," yada, yada, yada.
It's so damn consuming, negative and miserable.
Stop yourself, and instead find something -- anything -- about yourself that you're happy about and say it aloud. Believe it.

You are who you are. Embrace it.

(thanks for listening)

 

Sometimes...(How I Really Feel)

The Average Girl's Guide is a place that links us all, where I remind you that at the end of the day, that you, me, we're all the same typical gal just wanting to live a fabulous life.

I hope I can be a best friend of sorts to you, be it providing advice on what to wear or how to find a deal, or offer perspective on a more serious topic. It's also a place where I need to be honest with all of you.

Today I'm participating in Pour Your Heart Out from the blog, The Things I cannot Say
because while I'm writing about fashion and food this has been on my mind...

Sometimes...
Sometimes, I feel alone. Really lonely. That seems so strange because I have the most loving husband in the world, an incredible daughter, loving fam and the most supportive friends.
Yet, still, sometimes I feel alone in a sea full of people. Like there's no one there if I needed them.

I think a lot of my loneliness relates to friends.
I have a few friends I feel really connected to that live far away. I sometimes think that if they lived nearby I know I'd be happier. No pressure, right? haha. Friends who know me, know my story, and who I am. Who you don't have to be "on" when you see them because you can just be YOU. I miss that.

I do have close friends here, don't get me wrong, and they've stood by me this past year more than I wish they had to. But, they only know this subsection of my life... they haven't yet learned fully who I am and I don't know fully who they are.

And, while I love working -- I've embarked on a new adventure of starting my own business this year, and fortunately, have been doing very well -- it's like I'm no longer accessible to the friends who are stay-at-home moms, and yet am not in the same category as the full-time working friends or don't work near them. That's a big issue with working from home.... a million lunch dates, I suppose?

I'm sharing this because this blog is as much about the fun as it is about the real. And, this is who I am and who you're reading from when you read the other stuff. I'm often happy, really happy, but I get in these ruts and it builds on itself.

Does this happen to you?
I like to think that many women, even the most popular, feel this way sometimes.
It's almost impossible to be happy all the time. Would love your thoughts on what you do to you pick yourself up (besides downing a monster bag of pretzel m&ms like I've been doing!)

Thanks for listening, ladies. Wishing you all of the happiness, health and fulfillment in the world!